1. Psychology – I predict no jobs in your future.
2. Philosophy – What is a job?
3. Government – How can I make your job more inefficient?
4. History – The past shows us definitively that there will be no jobs.
5. English – Once upon a time there were no jobs.
6. Biology – Jobs don’t grow on trees!
7. Biochemistry – Jobs don’t grow on the molecules of trees!
8. Chemistry – If I don’t find a job soon, I’m cooking meth.
9. Physics – Rumor has it, there might be a woman at my job.
10. Statistics – Odds are, I’ll probably have a job for a few years.
11. Engineering – Have you heard about my great new job?
12. Computer Science – My job smells like body odor and curry.
13. Kinesiology – I take my job as a mover very seriously.
14. Advertising – I will gladly sell my soul for any job. (Female version)
15. Marketing – I will gladly sell my soul for any job. (Male version)
16. Economics – What is the value of a human soul?
17. Accounting – I count your money for money.
18. Finance – I lose your money for money.
19. Geography – I actually don’t know the capital of every country.
20. Theatre – If the two people ahead of me die, I might have a job.
21. Film – I killed the two people ahead of me for this job.
22. Linguistics – My résumé says I’m an English major.
23. Anthropology – If we lived 5,000 years ago, we wouldn’t even need jobs!
24. Classics – I can write a suicide note in five languages.
25. Studio Art – I got stoned and painted a banana.
26. Nursing – I haven’t left my job in six months.
27. Pharmacy – I studied seven years to work in a grocery store. (Again.)
28. Education – Thanks to me, kids will know that Moses was a founding father.
29. Religious Studies – I’m like…75% sure that Moses was not a founding father.
30. Music – I hear the new Megachurch might be hiring more guitarists.
31. African American Studies – Blacks have it hard.
32. Asian American Studies – Asians have it hard.
33. Jewish Studies – Jews have it hard.
34. Latin American Studies – Hispanics have it hard.
35. Women’s Studies – Women have it hard.
36. Sociology – Why is everything so hard?!?
Aw, did I offend you?
Get over it.
Originally published on Longhornleasing.com/blog