Public School Latin: A Brief Lesson on Profanity

When it comes to describing sexual acts, few languages are more expressive than Latin. Here are some words and expressions that you will likely never hear in Latin Mass:

Futuere (To Fuck)

Futuere has two interesting derivatives: defutuere—to fuck out, or exhaust by fucking—and perfutuere—to completely, utterly fuck.

Generally, everyone aims to be defututus (exhausted by fucking) but not necessarily perfututus (totally fucked).

Ass To Mouth

Thanks to the great Latin poet Catullus, pedicare—to fuck in the ass—and irrumare–to fuck in the mouth—have remained in the classical lexicon. These two versatile verbs open up several linguistic variations. Here are some favorites:

Pedicatus – Fucked in the ass.

Pedicator – Ass fucker.

Pedicatio – Ass fucking.

Pedicabilis – Ass-fuckable.

Pedicandus – One to be ass fucked.

Analogously, the same conjugations work for irrumare.

Exercise: conjugate the verb “irrumare” to reflect the same variations reflected above.

Bonus: Use each in a sentence. 

A Translation Gone Awry

The Latin words crisare and ceuere were mistranslated by Puritan scholars to mean “agitate the haunches.”

A more accurate translation would be, “to grind on a dick by sitting on it.” This one is a bit irregular. You must use crisare when the grinder is female, and ceuere when the grinder is male.

Lots of Big Dicks

The Latin word for dick is mentula, so mentulatus means “gifted with a big dick.” However, there are also at least two other words that mean the same thing. (Mutuniatus and caudatus.) 

I’m going to warn you now. Be careful when you Google “big dick latin”—especially if you happen to be at work. I can almost guarantee you will not find the innocent language lesson you were looking for.

History Forgets Cunnilingus 

In Latin, a cunt is a cunnusCunnilingus, however, does not (technically) refer to the action of licking a cunt. Rather, it refers to the man who is doing the licking of said cunt. (Keep that one in your back pocket; you never know what sorts of questions they will ask on Jeopardy!)

Faggots and Whores

Cinaedus – A man who plays a passive role in anal sex. Similar to the contemporary “faggot.” (Note: it is possible to simultaneously be a cinaedus and not a pedicandus.) 

Scortum– A whore or escort. This word will get autocorrected to ‘scrotum.’ Beware.

The Most Obscene Word of All

Landica, which means ‘clitoris’ was so obscene that it only appears a handful of times: once in graffiti, once in The Priapeia, and once buried in a speech by Cicero, referring to another speech.

In the Pompeiian graffiti we find, perhaps, the most well-preserved insult a woman could hear. Eupla laxa landicosa. “Eupla is loose and has a huge clitoris.”

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