Your College Major Summarized in One Sentence

1. Psychology - I predict no jobs in your future.

2. Philosophy - What is a job?

3. Government - How can I make your job more inefficient?

4. History - The past shows us definitively that there will be no jobs.

5. English - Once upon a time there were no jobs.

6. Biology - Jobs don't grow on trees!

7. Biochemistry - Jobs don't grow on the molecules of trees!

8. Chemistry - If I don't find a job soon, I'm cooking meth.

9. Physics - Rumor has it, there might be a woman at my job.

10. Statistics - Odds are, I'll probably have a job for a few years.

11. Engineering - Have you heard about my great new job?

12. Computer Science - My job smells like body odor and curry.

13. Kinesiology - I take my job as a mover very seriously.

14. Advertising - I will gladly sell my soul for any job. (Female version)

15. Marketing - I will gladly sell my soul for any job. (Male version)

16. Economics - What is the value of a human soul?

17. Accounting - I count your money for money.

18. Finance - I lose your money for money.

19. Geography - I actually don't know the capital of every country.

20. Theatre - If the two people ahead of me die, I might have a job.

21. Film - I killed the two people ahead of me for this job.

22. Linguistics - My résumé says I'm an English major.

23. Anthropology - If we lived 5,000 years ago, we wouldn't even need jobs!

24. Classics - I can write a suicide note in five languages.

25. Studio Art - I got stoned and painted a banana.

26. Nursing - I haven't left my job in six months.

27. Pharmacy - I studied seven years to work in a grocery store. (Again.)

28. Education - Thanks to me, kids will know that Moses was a founding father.

29. Religious Studies - I'm like...75% sure that Moses was not a founding father.

30. Music - I hear the new Megachurch might be hiring more guitarists.

31. African American Studies - Blacks have it hard.

32. Asian American Studies - Asians have it hard.

33. Jewish Studies - Jews have it hard.

34. Latin American Studies - Hispanics have it hard.

35. Women's Studies - Women have it hard.

36. Sociology - Why is everything so hard?!?

Aw, did I offend you?

Get over it.

*Originally published on [Longhornleasing.com/blog
](http://longhornleasing.com/blog/your-major-summarized-in-one-sentence/)*