Essays, fiction,
and notes.
Barbarian Days and My Struggle
William Finnegan's memoir, Barbarian Days, is about surfing and anyone who says otherwise has their head up their ass. About seventy percent of this hefty book's 447 pages are dedicated to...
The Night I saw Leo Messi...
The pre-game began early and ended late. Two beers too many and we had to pay for rental bikes and pedal like hell to make it to Soldier Field by the national anthem. Nicolas Otamendi scored the...
Portraits of Dead Youth #2- Blaine
Before I died, I was the IBF Lightweight champion of the World. I was thirty-five years old, fit as hell, and ready to defend my belt against any challenger. Anyone.
Public School Latin: A Brief Lesson on Profanity
When it comes to describing sexual acts, few languages are more expressive than Latin. Here are some words and expressions that you will likely never hear in Latin Mass:
How To Read More Books
So you want to be a writer, huh? You and everybody else.
Two Very Different Funerals
Once upon a time there were two brothers: Richard and Robert. They were born one year apart---Richard was the elder---and in December 1999, both of them died. Richard was a successful businessman....
Life Down the Mines: The Origin Story of Richard Flanagan
After three hours of deliberation, the panel of judges was finally ready to make the announcement. Chair judge A.C. Grayling stepped up to the microphone and cleared his throat. The room went silent.
A Most Cruel and Unusual Punishment
Queen Elizabeth I was the fifth and final monarch of the Tudor dynasty. She was the daughter of Henry VIII through his second marriage to Anne Boleyn, who was executed when Elizabeth was two years...
Inaccessible Writing: The Origin Story of Ursula K. Le Guin
Ursula K. Le Guin was born Ursula Kroeber on October 21st, 1929. She was the youngest child of anthropologists Alfred L. Kroeber and Theodora Kroeber. She grew up in Berkeley, California---where her...
The Re-Introduction (Part 2)
Continued from "Surprise." http://juanpablogargiulo.com/2015/05/16/surprise/
Surprise
When I was eight years old, Mama bought me a hamster. I named him Sparky—after the hamster in my first grade class.
Pura Vida
I came to Costa Rica to teach English and live on the beach. I was a slacker in college. Bs, Cs, and a degree in Communication Studies — which took me five years. That last semester I only took three...
A Horse, A Raffle, And A Fortune
When the man first tried to buy the horse, the deal seemed too good to be true. “$1,000 and he’s yours,” the old farmer said to him. “He’s a fine horse. Good, strong. He’ll put you through a few...
Everything You Want to Know About Presidents Day. (And Then Some.)
This morning I woke up and realized that it is President's Day---one of the most underrated holidays of the year.
Dickens - Chapter 1
Out of the brush in the West Texas desert he came; bruised, beaten, and nearly hairless. Tattered clothes, worn blood-and-honey boots, a black bandana tied around his misshapen head.
4 Must-Have Household Items for 2015
A new year is time for new changes. And, y'all---we need to make some changes this year.
Boxing and Graduate School
I’ll never forget the first time I punched a professional boxer in the face. It was October 2013 and I was preparing for my amateur boxing debut. In preparation for my fight, I would show up to...
Your College Major Summarized in One Sentence
1. Psychology - I predict no jobs in your future.
16 Amazing Quotes from “My Struggle: A Death in the Family” by Karl Ove Knausgaard (English translation by Don Bartlett)
1. “For the heart, life is simple: it beats for as long as it can. Then it stops. Sooner or later, one day, this pounding action will cease of its own accord, and the blood will begin to run toward...
RED MOON by Benjamin Percy
The 2013 novel Red Moon by Benjamin Percy is one of the most ambitious and innovative works in recent contemporary fiction. Drawing from elements of fantasy and horror, Percy bridges the realms of...
My First Flash Fiction Writing Competition
A few weeks ago I submitted a portion of my "Kathy Fiske"http://juanpablogargiulo.com/2014/12/22/kathy-fiske/ story as an entry in the 2015 Fish Publishing Flash Fiction Prize Competition.
10 Memorable Quotes from “The Master” by Colm Tóibín
1. “Somehow, in the years that followed, the shadowy presences interested him as much as the famous ones, the figures who had not become known, who had failed, or who had never planned to flourish.”...
Favorite Books of 2014 and getting told to “Go Fuck Yourself.”
I’m that random asshole who asks you “What’s your favorite book?” The answers really vary—as much as the reactions to the question itself. Some people are amused by the question and look at it as a...
10 Badasses Who Went to The University of Texas
The University of Texas is a school that consistently cranks out quality alumni. I don't know quite what it is, but something at the 40 acres has inspired thousands of Longhorns to get out there and...
Worse Things
I barely remember the night I met my wife. It was late January during Freshman year of college, and all 300 attendees at the Alpha Rho Eta fraternity party on 24th and Salado were drunk on trash can...
Portraits of Dead Youth - Tyler
Brian and I died on a cold February day on the side of the road.
7 Days Aboard the Splendour of the Seas
I have gotten second place in an International Bellyflop Competition. I have drunk more top-shelf liquor than I ever will for the rest of my life. I have eaten five course meals served to me by three...
Ode to Poo (c. 2007)
As I sat down on the toilet, on that fateful Christmas Eve,
8 Mind-Blowing Quotes from Invisible Cities
- “Memory is redundant: it repeats signs so that the city can begin to exist.”
Learning To Positively Channel "No"
7 Lessons I Learned From Getting Punched In The Face
There is a lot to be learned about life through boxing. After my first amateur fight I had to share some of that knowledge. I hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed living it.
How to be an Interesting Person
There once was a student with big ideas and no friends. He desperately craved the respect and admiration of his peers, but nobody paid any attention to him or what he had to say. Whenever he would...
USA vs. Germany Tomorrow
We are all still reeling from that last-second goalhttp://www.espnfc.com/fifa-world-cup/4/video/1904112/varela-portugal-goal-header-at-95 by Silvestre Varela in the 95th minute.
Does Home Field Advantage Matter For The World Cup?
There have been 19 World Cups in the history of association football. 8 different nations have had the exquisite pleasure of hoisting the most coveted trophy in sports:
What is Bing Good For?
14 years ago, when I still lived in Allen, Texas and was a 4th grade student at James D. Kerr Elementary School, I learned about search engines.
Flight 1881
The pre-flight Ritual was crucial. Even though Chad was flying in business class, he timed his arrival to the gate of the terminal just as the last passengers boarded economy. He casually stood in...
Is Mike Pantangco a Hero, Asshole, or Marketing Genius?
There is this video floating around the internet of a Flyweight Amateur MMA fight from the Prison City Fight League in Detroit, Michigan:
My 5 Favorite Books (Updated thanks to Mark Manson)
About two months ago, Mark Manson posted on his website that he was “Hiring.” Two positions for two lucky individuals—an artist, and a content curator. I was—and still am—a huge fan of Mark Manson’s...
To My Fellow Unemployed Graduates
Dear fellow graduate, I feel your pain. I know how you feel right now, and know that you are not alone.
"No" More: Taking Control With an Ugly Word
From an early age, we are conditioned to associate the word “Yes” with good, and the word “No” with bad. I think it’s safe to say that for the duration of our childhood, to hear “Yes” is to get your...
Five Things You Should Know When Applying to Officer Candidate School
1. Your recruiter is going to lie to you Whether it is intentional or not, I can guarantee that you will be misinformed about OCS as you make your way through the long application process.
Thoughts I have while writing: A profane journey beginning to end
- Alright, got my cup of coffee ready. I’ve got approximately 15 minutes to write before it’s cold. - Fuck! What am I supposed to title this thing? - Doesn’t matter. Moving on. Gotta do that brain...
10 Timeless Kurt Vonnegut Quotes (originally published on Thought Catalog)
1. “Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college.” ― A Man...
Which Olympic sports should we trash?
In February 2013 the International Olympic Committee shortlisted Wrestling for the 2020 Summer Games. And people lost their minds.
5 Additional Simple Life Hacks
Now that all of you are seasoned professionals at cooking bacon and opening bananashttps://medium.com/life-tips/8ddf7c585fd9, I think it’s time I share some of my more advanced Life Hacks.
Life is too short to read Ayn Rand. (Especially on the beach.)
I was sixteen years old when I tried to read Atlas Shrugged. At the insistence of a friend who will remain unnamed, I borrowed the book and took it on a vacation to Hawai’i. The first time I cracked...
My 10 Favorite Books (March 2014)
I recently came across a great, old blog post written about John Irving—one of my very favorite writers. This blog post http://bookchase.blogspot.com/2007/05/john-irvings-10-favorite-books.htmllisted...
A Waiting Game
Three tones then silence. Marcus looked down at his glass of scotch on the kitchen table. Glenfiddich, neat, aged fifteen years. A gift from his company following his honorable discharge. Four...
Who Cares When You Get Married?
In honor of all the articles I've been seeing recently about Lists of Awesome things you need to do before you’re 23 and/or get married, motherfucker!
An Unexpected Scar: Tales from High School
Connor wasn’t an intentionally clumsy person. Bad luck just seemed to follow him around like his personal little rain cloud. Honestly, I should really blame myself for the scar on my right hand. Why...
Simple Life Pro Tips “Originally published by Thought Catalog at www.thoughtcatalog.com”
1. Open a banana from the “bottom.” Grab a banana the way you normally would, and flip it upside down. Now, just pinch the base, and the banana will unfold with unbelievable ease.
10 Things I Have Learned From Writing Every Day
Three months ago, I decided to finally pursue my dream of writing. After years of secretly scribbling journal entries, stories, and little poems here and there, I felt I was finally ready to make my...
My Four Years as a Rock Star: and how my little brother got in to Berklee
When I was thirteen I began taking guitar lessons. I had reached a point in my life, where AC/DC and Led Zeppelin were the coolest thing around, and simply listening to their music wasn’t enough...
After The Obama Administration: Obama To The Supreme Court?
When I was an undergraduate at the University of Texas at Austin, I took a course with Lucas A. Powe, Jr. titled: The Supreme Court and Public Policy. This was by far one of my favorite courses I...
Life, Inc.
Congratulations! You are now the President and Chief Executive Officer of Life, Inc. From this moment on, your job is to make sure that the company runs smoothly and efficiently.
Fight Night 2013
Every November at the University of Texas, the brothers of the IFC fraternities join forces to raise money in the name of philanthropy.